No, not love
by Choutin
Summary: Songfic. Sort of confusing. Again, don't think you'll understand it. Lyrics from ...And We Hae Hell by From First To Last. Please reveiw.


**A/N: This is From First To Last lyrics. "_...And we have hell_" Try to figure out who the point of veiw it is from, and who is the person they are talking about. It says at the end of the story. Slight smutish themes towards the end. Rated M for a good reason. ; R&R!**

In my room I sit, the only way I stay sane these days. You're on my mind but not in my heart. Fire turns to heat and then hate. I watch you everyday, everyday I fight with you, every time I conflict pain upon you I just want you that much more.

_Everyday gets worse._

Blood. Oh the blood escaping from your mouth. I want to just kiss it, taste the warm metal in my mouth. I sometimes scratch you just to see the blood flowing. The blood that is mine. The blood that runs through my vains no longer belongs to me. I have become a stranger. I pin you to the ground, oh I love it when you scream my name like that.

_Locked in a vice my thoughts perverse._

You look at me funny and I catch myself again. This is not the first time I let my mask slip. No, it has happened many times before. But with uncanny haste I slap my mask back on and hate warms over my eyes. I'm watching you, your every movement. I can feel your body writhing under my controll. I hold your arms to the sharp tiles. You scream again. Oh don't worry love, I'll make it all better. I pinch the wound and I see you're eyes cloud over, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. No, don't cry love. I'm sorry.

_You must wonder why I look at you that way._

Back on track, my mind drifts to 'the plan'. I must win him over. If not, I will not live any longer. I let go of you so you cannot see the fear in my eyes. I run and run. Only time can save me now. Obsessive, maybe, but not love. No, I myself can never love. Nothing more than a new pet.

_Tonight I'll make my way into your house._

I stop, lay back on the green grass, smelling the scent of you on my clothing. Never have I felt better. Shivers run corse through my body as I remove my shirt. Tonight you will, nay, you _must_ see things my way.

_I must; I'm lusting for your body._

You're coming nearer to me, I am running again. No, I'm not scared. No, I myself can never be scared. Of course not. But if I would have stayed for another brawl, I know things would have turned out differntly. Plans would have been ruined, blood would have been shed. _Later_, I remind myself.

_Skin looks tight, think I might just have to take a bite._

I drift off, a little dazed, thinking of the night, the waiting, the lust building up. You will scream my name all night long. Never ever again will you let hate and revulsion pain over the brim of your life again. I will take care of that. Forever to have, forever to keep. But not forever to love. No, never love. I myself am not capable of loving.

_But I know one will turn to three or four of more, my little whore._

Sunrise comes, just a few short hours now. Waiting forever now seems uncomplete, surreal that it will be all over so soon. I get up and pack up my things. So soon.

_Tonight, tonight._

I see you, silly boy. You cannot run from me for long. No, it is silly to run. You catch my eye and walk faster. But I already know where you are going. Problematicly, your possey is with you, but a snide comment or two, they will be gone. He's in the sacred room now. Now is the time to act. But I must wait, wait ritually. I know what comes next.

_He's not alone._

I can hear you screaming my name at night, you know. I have always thought it was beautiful, sweet in an unnatural way. I can tell what you're doing their without looking. Boyish cries of eccstacy emit from the rooms once the propper sound spells were de-activated. But no, I am not in love with the beautiful noises you make when you mastrubate, nor am I an love with you, I cannot be.

_Can you taste the wicked in the room?_

I touch the door. It is time. I slowly push the door open and close it gently. You do not see me, but I see you. You do not hear my silent arival, but oh yes, I can hear you. Swiftly but surely, I make my way over to you. A cold hand touches your shoulder, and you look up, suprised.

_Bobbysoxer so pure, so young._

I smile wickedishly as you fall off the bed, clearly stunned. 'The Plan' has gone into action full blown. I can hear your supprise and feel the fear raddiating off of you. I want nothing more than to touch you, beautiful boy. Now, come here.

_By morning his soul will be gone, gone, gone._

I reflect on my brilliant plan, as you sit there agast. I order you to sit upright and spread your legs. To my suprise, you do. I do not let my supprise show on my face though. That would mean I loved him. And I myself am not ready to love him.

_I did a beautiful thing._

You calm almost instantaneously. I run my hand over your skinny frame. Oh yes, tonight was the night. The night of glory. The night of shame. The night that I shall finally get what I want. Tonight. Shivers run through my body and I let loose a moan, nay, scream, though I promised myself I would not. I cannot feel this lust from him, it is only lust because I want _somebody_.

_Relax baby, thats a good boy._

'_Turn over, on your stomach, and bend over_' I can see the lust, the want, and the fear all evident in your eyes. But you do as I say. You stroke yourself gently untill I slap you on the back. '_Thats my job_' I wisper, leaning over his nude body. I remove my clothes. I ponder for an instant how cute you look, your back bent in that way, your spine brittle and shapeless.

_You're like my work of art._

I tell you, '_You know, I do love you. It is hard for me to admit this now. But I want you now. No, hush, love. Quiet._' I put my finger to his lips and gently push his arms down so he is laying flat on the bed. I quiet him, knowing what he will say, how much he hates me, how much he loathes me. It pains me that I have just revealed such a thing. It is impossible, I myself and my family do not let others see our emotions.

_I can control, I cantort any postion that I wish._

I bite your lip, thinking of earlier. I kiss away the pain. I bite your neck, licking the blood away. Such a beautiful person you are, Harry. I push myself inside of you.

_I make my fantasy reality._

I feel you stiffin and grunt in pain. '_Shhh, love. The pain only will last a second._' And, again suprising me, you quiet yourself and after a second, you seem to be enjoying yourself. Magnificent.

_Hold still, it will be over soon._

I do not love. I cannot love. I am not ready to love. My prestiguce family of the Malfoy's, me being the youngest, cannot love, we only live to reproduce pure-blood familys. You are not pure-blood, and you are not capable of having children. I cannot love.

_I blend with the walls so I won't be seen._

I slide against the walls. You tell me to follow 5 feet behind you, incase we run into your posse. I agree. I still cannot believe you invited me to your private chambers.

_My love you smell so..._

I do not hesitate long, though. My choice has been made for me. I will love you, Harry. Forever.

_I took one good look and followed you home._


End file.
